Step 1: Health

These past couple of weeks have gone a lot better than the first two. Well, actually, I guess they are pretty similar in terms of ups and downs. I guess that's just life right? As long as there are ups as well. My prior life (pre-quitting my last job), seemed to mostly just be made up of downs. It was hard to recall or even notice the ups. If there were any. So these past couple of weeks have been all about my energy levels. After being the crying sloth trying to cross the road - has anyone seen that video of a sloth crawling across the road? It's a great symbol or visual for lethargy. After being that lethargic sloth, I really began to regain energy in week three. I could feel it. It was great. Each day I'd get up with a little bit more "go get em" than the day before. And it felt fantastic. I started going on walks around my neighbourhood. I started cleaning out my wardrobe, which is filled to the brim with clothes that I've been meaning to sell on ebay fo

No I haven't gone to rehab since finishing up at work. But leaving my job and spending time at home to try and recuperate from my worsening mental illnesses feels like rehabilitation of some sort. Week One The first week of my sabbatical felt like a warm cosy blanket. After working or heavily dealing with like seven days a week for 18 plus months to sleeping in, staying in my pyjamas all day and doing whatever the hell I wanted at any hour of the day felt like bliss. It felt so relaxing to all of a sudden not be pushed by a to-do list or a deadline of some sort. I spent my first week cooking, which is something I love to do and had not done properly in over a year as I'd been relying on take away or my husband or convenience food like lite n easy to get by. I read books and I spent a lot of time watching tv series. The Handmaid's Tale - if you haven't watched that yet, do yourself a favour and watch it. It is fantastic and unique and eye opening and so well made.

Depression Depression feels like a black cloud hovering above your head, following you wherever you go. You can't really see it in front of or above you, but you know it's there, not letting you escape. Depression is feeling like you will never be able to crack a smile or laugh ever again. Your partner tries to make you laugh. You try to make yourself laugh by watching comedians on youTube at 2 in the morning once the insomnia has well and truly settled in, night after night. Nothing. No smile. Not even a smirk. Anxiety Anxiety is a giant tidal wave that hasn't folded yet right in your forefront. It does build. You feel it. You feel the wave rising slowly. Then it teeters right at it's peak. You know that point before a wave folds and smashes into the shore? That's where it sits, facing you, for what feels like eternity. It sits there for day. Sometimes weeks. It feels about ten feet higher than you. And you go about your day, wondering when this wave is going t