Reflection: Week 2 - 2 weeks late!

Sorry blogger world - I'm putting my "weekly reflection" up very late. I've just finished week 4 since I decided to blog about my progress on trying to recover from binge eating habits. And I'm only up to posting about week 2. I actually had this written up in draft mode on my iPad for over a week just waiting for me to find a minute to edit it and post it on the blog. Anyway, I'll do my best to keep up with reflections, I just realise they might come fortnightly at times when I'm really busy. As long as I keep reflecting myself and noting down feelings and realisations as they occur, blogging about them a week or so after they happen isn't so bad.

I thought I'd set up my weekly reflection a little different this week. Maybe in a way that could appeal to different readers. I realised last week's was quite long once I started listing out all the damage I had done. So I thought - what if I put the summary of the week and my reflection first, then I could list out all the tangible damage I had done. That way I thought it could work for readers who just like the short sharp blogs to read the key message, as well as containing all of the detail for anyone else wanting to read further. And I'd like a full record for my purposes as well.

So here it goes - the week that has passed:

Common Themes:

I'm noticing a couple of common themes during my week which, in a way is great. It means I can focus on correcting them which should hopefully cut down on their re-occurrence. The commonalities are:

• I get worse as the week goes on - possibly due to emotions of the week building up - I'm mentally & physically tired, bored, slightly stressed/exhausted from running on adrenalin at work then pushing to fit in as much as possible in the evenings - gym, dinner, cleaning, ironing - whatever weekly prep I haven't done on the weekend.
• Thursday night - is binge night it seems. Thursday is the first night I tend to let myself off the hook from gym and household chores. I guess that means it's the first night of the week that I begin to actually feel and have a minute to become aware of my emotions built up over the week.
• Weekend is fine - possibly due to not being at work and being in the company of my partner. No hiding anything & I'm feeling more relaxed than weekdays.

What Can Be Done About This:

Thursday night:

1. Firstly I need to find a way to combat these  Thursday night mishaps. I think that is to ensure that no matter how sore I am I go to the gym without fail. Or I just ensure I have company during the evening - I don't let myself be alone. I would not binge if either of those were in play.
2. On a more long term approach, I need to learn what my emotions feel like and learn how to ride through them rather than react to them with food. This one will need to be a future work in progress, whilst I research and think about what I could do.

During the week:
I think I need some sort of tactic to shake my mind out of it when I go to purchase food and go outside of my packed lunch. My mind needs to become more aware when I am in those moments of what I consider to be out of control. The quit binge eating blog recommends meditation as a strong tool to becoming more mindful and recognising those moments. Something to store for later and begin incorporating.

The Damage:

Monday:
- ate well for most of the day
- went and got hedgehog slice at lunch - only ate half

Tuesday:
- ate remaining hedgehog slice
- was hungry on way to gym so purchased packet of chips - just one though!! Big difference

Wednesday:
- purchased coke zero & packet of chips with lunch
- then had cupcake from office cake - was far too sweet
Noticed I'm getting more lax as the week progresses. Didn't really enjoy/need any of the crap food I ate. Not sure what I need to enter my mind before I do it to say no though

Thursday:
What do you know? Like clockwork - Thursday night - KFC binge. Had plans to go out with a friend so didn't have my gym gear with me after work. She cancelled so I decided to stay out on my own. As per usual, intense week at work and lack of sleep building up - purchased too much KFC and ate too much as well. Lied & told T I had something small while I was out when he asked if I wanted him to have dinner ready for me when I got home. Surely he knows by now I'm lying? I wonder. I wonder how much he suspects.

Friday:
Had such an intense busy day at work. Decided to get sushi for lunch & go sit in the park. Ate way too much sushi (well I suppose that commenced with ordering far too much for one meal).
I then decided I wouldn't be going to the gym - just wanted to come home and sleep as I was exhausted from the wk. on the way home I purchased four individual packets of chips and coke zero. Consumed it all plus the kit kat that was in the fridge before T got home. Didn't have dinner to compensate. Was actually an improvement on the usual as I also buy two magnums generally. A small step in the right direction I suppose.

Saturday:
Had a really good day. Ate well, trip to the gym, running errands. Was a relaxing day, therefore I assume this assisted with the food consumption. Had dinner out with T and found I definitely controlled myself and ate a small amount. Sometimes I find myself eating far too much entrée then I'm super full through the main. I didn't do this. I had a small amount of entrée knowing I didn't want to spoil the main. There's a first time for everything!!

Sunday:
Nothing out of hand at all. Ate well - had the option to eat out for lunch - opted to have lunch at home then go out to eat healthier. Was with T all day so that does play a part I think.

At the end of the day, I know this is a work in progress. Right now, I have..........