Emotional Breakdown the Night Before 12wbt Starts
I've had quite a crazy weekend. I had a birthday party on Friday night (a lovely friend from work's birthday), and a concert on Saturday night (Birds of Tokyo). And both events could not have come at a worse time. I really needed to spend the weekend working. I am soooooooo behind.
Friday night, was so depressing. I was trying to get dressed for the birthday - I have no clothes outside of super daggy clothes for lounging around the house, or my corporate wear. I have slowly out grown all of my clothes in my entire wardrobe. Lets face reality though, I have slowly eaten my way into being too fat for all of my wardrobe!! And I haven't replaced clothes in the mean time. So after trying on absolutely every item of clothing before the Fri night outing, I resulted in wearing work clothes. And just claiming I came straight from work. How pathetic and sad is that! I felt so depressed doing that. But I didn't have a choice. Everything else looked terrible and just accentuated all of my "problem" areas.
So as Sat night was going to follow a similar routine - I spent all day Sat shopping for a couple of nice dressy tops to wear with my jeans. I only found one, but better than none. Sat night was a disaster I must say. The concert wasn't great - I did not get one full view of the stage during the entire performance. There were way too many people taller than me in front of me. Then once we left, we were standing in a massive cab queue. Had a drunken argument with some b#tch. Got in trouble by the police. And received "marching orders". So had to walk for ages before getting to catch a cab. And I had a massive blister on my foot from my pre-season exercising. So that was killing me. But anyway, we made it home after midnight and finally got some sleep. So there's Sat and Sat night gone. Not much of the weekend left to fit things in is there.
Sun - I needed to buy a new microwave before 12wbt started (as I'd be pre-preparing all of my food for the week in order to save time). And my last one broke a few days ago. So Sun involved the microwave shopping, then cooking all of the food, and dinner (a roast). Also ironing all of my work clothes for the week. Printing all of the 12wbt info for the week and filing it. Then there's my day gone. Now I'm sitting down to write this at 12:09am on Mon, knowing I need sleep for the crazy week ahead.
Oh and I almost forgot the most important part about today. I completely lost it this evening. Emotional breakdown. Right after dinner, before all of my food was cooked. I have so much work to do that I am so scared I am not going to fit in whilst trying to manage the 12wbt. Well when I say work to fit in - that means overtime on top of my normal days work. I feel so stressed about it. I just want to quit and worry about finding a job when I don't have this one. But that is not appropriate is it? I have a mortgage and bills to pay. I also think the emotion of starting this program, subconsciously knowing how challenging it will be played a part in my breakdown as well. I just cried and cried and cried. I cried so hard it wasn't even hard enough for it all to come out. Anyway, shit happens. I cleaned myself up and got back to making those meals to freeze. Tomorrow is going to be a big day. I just need to take each day at a time, prep all the food as much as I can to save time, and do the exercise DVDs at home until I have a bit more time on my hands. At least they will be something.
Anyway, I need some sleep. I just needed to get this event out of my head before the emotion and memory of it isn't very fresh.
Goodnight.
Friday night, was so depressing. I was trying to get dressed for the birthday - I have no clothes outside of super daggy clothes for lounging around the house, or my corporate wear. I have slowly out grown all of my clothes in my entire wardrobe. Lets face reality though, I have slowly eaten my way into being too fat for all of my wardrobe!! And I haven't replaced clothes in the mean time. So after trying on absolutely every item of clothing before the Fri night outing, I resulted in wearing work clothes. And just claiming I came straight from work. How pathetic and sad is that! I felt so depressed doing that. But I didn't have a choice. Everything else looked terrible and just accentuated all of my "problem" areas.
So as Sat night was going to follow a similar routine - I spent all day Sat shopping for a couple of nice dressy tops to wear with my jeans. I only found one, but better than none. Sat night was a disaster I must say. The concert wasn't great - I did not get one full view of the stage during the entire performance. There were way too many people taller than me in front of me. Then once we left, we were standing in a massive cab queue. Had a drunken argument with some b#tch. Got in trouble by the police. And received "marching orders". So had to walk for ages before getting to catch a cab. And I had a massive blister on my foot from my pre-season exercising. So that was killing me. But anyway, we made it home after midnight and finally got some sleep. So there's Sat and Sat night gone. Not much of the weekend left to fit things in is there.
Sun - I needed to buy a new microwave before 12wbt started (as I'd be pre-preparing all of my food for the week in order to save time). And my last one broke a few days ago. So Sun involved the microwave shopping, then cooking all of the food, and dinner (a roast). Also ironing all of my work clothes for the week. Printing all of the 12wbt info for the week and filing it. Then there's my day gone. Now I'm sitting down to write this at 12:09am on Mon, knowing I need sleep for the crazy week ahead.
Oh and I almost forgot the most important part about today. I completely lost it this evening. Emotional breakdown. Right after dinner, before all of my food was cooked. I have so much work to do that I am so scared I am not going to fit in whilst trying to manage the 12wbt. Well when I say work to fit in - that means overtime on top of my normal days work. I feel so stressed about it. I just want to quit and worry about finding a job when I don't have this one. But that is not appropriate is it? I have a mortgage and bills to pay. I also think the emotion of starting this program, subconsciously knowing how challenging it will be played a part in my breakdown as well. I just cried and cried and cried. I cried so hard it wasn't even hard enough for it all to come out. Anyway, shit happens. I cleaned myself up and got back to making those meals to freeze. Tomorrow is going to be a big day. I just need to take each day at a time, prep all the food as much as I can to save time, and do the exercise DVDs at home until I have a bit more time on my hands. At least they will be something.
Anyway, I need some sleep. I just needed to get this event out of my head before the emotion and memory of it isn't very fresh.
Goodnight.
Comments
Post a Comment