Step 1: Health

Today I have officially made it to the half way point in my weight loss in order to get to my goal weight of 60kgs. That is a 16kg loss!!! I've done it slow and steady, as this is my second round of 12wbt, so I've been working on it since last September. But I've learnt so many lessons along the way, and I just keep getting better in every aspect - my food, fitness, and most importantly my mind. Last night was also one of the first significant moments where I truly flexed my will power muscle. That has been one of my downfalls along my journey. But last night I went out with a bunch of good friends to a bar. Everyone was keen to have a few. I did not drink a single drop, I just had soda water and lime to drink instead. And when everyone ordered a light (but carb loaded) dinner I said no, even though my stomach was growling at me like crazy, and I went home to eat some of the leftover chicken soup from Monday night. I have never ever said no to drinking. I alw...

When I binge, it's like another being takes over my body. I am so far gone and out of control that I don't even remember starting the process. Tonight I binged. I admitted it to my partner and he asked me what goes through my head when I get dressed, get my wallet and walk to the shops. I couldn't answer that question. Not because I dont want to - I do, because I know he will try and help me. But I couldn't answer him because, I thought about it for a moment, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what goes through my head, other than I want something "yummy" to eat. Tonight someone at the shop actually said to me as I was being served by the sales assistant "honey, that is not a healthy dinner". That cut deep. I looked to him like a fat girl who was depressed and was going home to eat. Little did he know his comment burned and I went home and probably did double the damage I would of done had I not felt more upset by his com...

Wow. I don't know what has happened in the last months, but somehow I have had over 270 views in this month alone. My blog has had a very negative and "down" mood over the last couple of months. I think I need to get my butt into gear, work on my head, and make it more happy if there are that many people willing to look at it. Sorry guys. Am trying to make it honest, but I realise right now it just sounds sad. That's not a good sign. It's the start of a new week. After my brain dump the other day I now realise where my problem areas are which gives me something to focus on for the next month or so. Will check in as I go. Wish me luck :). Our minds are a fascinating thing. Can either work with or against us. Just depends how much we help it I suppose.

Disclaimer: I apologise in advance for the lack of care in wording the below post. It's not great grammar or writing that really flows at all. I was just feeling strongly and had to get my thoughts down as quickly as they came to me. Well I feel like I have certainly left myself behind of the pack this round. This is my 2nd round, and now that wk 6 is open I feel sick to the stomach. I don't actually feel like I've really started this round. I don't know what has happened. The first two weeks I was having my last two wks at my job after resigning - so life was mayhem burning the midnight oil to tie up all of my loose ends. I had a wk off to just catch up on my personal life that had been neglected due to a job that consumed my life. Then wks 4 & 5 of the program have been the first two weeks in a new job. And all these sound like big time excuses, but my life has been so unsettled for all of this time. I've been so busy running through to-do lists - ...

I am about to start a week off from work, while last week I finished up at one company, and next week I will begin my new job. As I sat having breakfast this morning - Michelle's "Breakfast Burrito" recipe which was delicious! - I then had a coffee. I now sit here with an uncomfortably full stomach. I only have instants, as they are extremely low in calories, but I just don't need the stimulants anymore. I used to drink coffee to get through the day. Now, with nutritious food, I can get through the day just fine. In fact, I feel great. So why do I continue to drink coffee? Out of habit and addiction I think. So I've decided in my week off at home, where I don't have any deadlines to make me feel a little panicked, I am going to give up coffee!! I have just chucked out all of the coffee I had in the house. And I poured it into the bin from the jar. So it is completely unusable! I'm fed up with thinking I need this stuff. I clearly don't. I just need a...

Well I really haven't had a good start to the program this round. And I keep beating myself up about it. As well as using all of my old excuses "I just need this week to get through this rough patch, then I'll get back on track". "It's Friday, the bad week is over, I'll just make a fresh start on Monday when the next week starts." I know this is the wrong thought process. I've been through the analysis of my excuses before and know they are just wrong. I just need to cut the crap. So I listened to Michelle's self sabotage video. Making notes as it went on. I've listened to this video before, in the last round, and recognised that I do indulge in self saboteur activities, but I never sat down and analysed it in the way she sets out for us to do it. One of my promises to myself this round was to really focus on the mindset lessons. To work through the steps we are given, to try and get to the bottom of why I do some of the things I do, an...

Argh!!!! I'm so embarrassed about the post I am about to make. But I have to put everything out there and be fully honest in this process, or I won't improve. So after Friday's post, I didn't go to the gym. Instead I wigged out crazy. I lost the plot. I got super stressed about this last week of my job and all the work I have to do. I discussed it with my partner and he suggested to give the exercise a break, and just get all of your work done. It's my last week so it's the only chance I have. Focus on the food and then get straight back into the exercise. I felt relieved. I felt like I had a weight off my shoulders. Ok, all I need to do is focus on getting all of my work done and I'll be right.  WRONG!!!!!! I gave in completely. To every single one of my addictions. Which now I believe is what I use to numb myself from my surroundings. I think I use them to zone out on all my troubles. I just have no idea where to go from here. I can recognise them ...